I’m a long way away from meeting you, in fact you might not even be born yet but still I think it’s about time we had our first heart to heart. I’m an avid blog reader and over the years I’ve seen many letters written to someday daughter in law’s — “5 Things My Daughter in Law Needs to Know,” “10 Rules for Dating My Son,” and tons of other
cringe-worthy and impersonal thoughts. Who starts out a letter to the woman who will someday be a part of her family with a list? Not me, not us.

I just want to talk to you. I want to be candid. I want you to know that I’m a safe place,
that you’re welcome and wanted. That we can always do this, we can sit down and
openly share anything and everything that might be on our hearts. I so hope that you
feel the same way too.

I’ll go first.

I have been in your shoes. I have been a woman desperately wanting to be lovingly accepted by the woman who raised the man that I adore and sadly I have been met with the deafening silence of disapproval. And judging by the mass amount of mother-in-law meme’s circulating the internet, I know I’m not the only one. My experiences as a
daughter-in-law have left me valuing this relationship with you girls more than you know.

I want us to be different. I want you to feel different than I have felt. I want us to be family and not just because a marriage license says so.

I want you to know that we won’t always agree and that’s OK. What will matter is how we choose to talk to each other about it. I want you to know that I will always value your feelings and hear what you have to say. I want you to know that things won’t always be easy, but I will always try and my heart will always be open to you. Relationships can be messy and I know from time to time, that might include ours. I will love you anyway.

I want you to know that when I say “my boy” it’s meant as a sweet sentiment and not a claim of territory. I want you to know that I am aware that I am a guest in your marriage. I want you to know that you are always welcome in our home and that I hope we have the kind of relationship where you feel as though you can swing by on a Wednesday just because you were in the area, no call needed. I want you to know that every big and little thing I teach my son is so that he will be a good man for you.

I want you to know that he won’t be perfect and when he’s not you can call me, because as a woman married to his father, I promise I can sympathize. I won’t judge your marriage or the choices you make together. When things are rocky or you’re in a season of struggle, know you can reach out and you won’t be met with doubt or negativity. No marriage is perfect and I will never expect yours to be.

I want you to know that I have no expectations for who I think you should be and that I don’t expect you to be like me. My hopes and dreams are not for who my son will choose but for what the two of you will share. I hope you share a deep passion for one another and a love like no other. I hope you are best friends. I hope you can laugh together when times get tough and I hope you can find beauty in the little moments because that’s when life  happens.

I adore the man you chose to spend your life with and I know I don’t have to tell you how amazing he is, because clearly you can see it too. You must be a spectacular woman if he chose you, and I can’t wait to learn for myself just how special you are. I look forward to countless hours sitting in the warmth of my home, going through photo
albums from when he was a child. I can’t wait to tell you his stories, show you his videos and share with you the pictures of “my boy.”

I love you both.
Mom

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