I’ve often said that you were the little boy I didn’t know I needed and nothing has ever been truer. You came into my life at a tricky time. I was a new mom who was terrified at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to love a second child as much as I loved my first born. I hear that is a common fear among women who are about to welcome a second child.
Oh man was I dead wrong…
Loving you was like having a door open to a compartment of my heart that I never knew existed. This space was strictly yours. It was as if it had been vacant all my life, waiting for you. There is something so special about the bond between mother and son and maybe that’s why I’m finding myself in the same predicament I was in when I was awaiting your arrival.
Your little brother will be here in roughly 17 weeks and all I can think is… How could I possibly love another little boy as much as I love you??
You are MY boy, my tiny little man, My “Austin Boy”…
We have such a sweet, sweet connection. When you are upset you only want your mama. When you are hurt, it’s my arms that you search for first. When you are sick, no one’s embrace comforts you like mine does.
Although you can’t yet say it, I know without a doubt that you love me dearly. Its written in the sparkle in your eyes when you smile at me. It’s in the giggle you let out after you give me a kiss. It’s in the way you yell “Mommy, Mommy” when you are searching for me in the house.
Right now, you are the baby of this family, but in a few months that will all change. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried. The stigma of being a middle child lingers in my mind. I never ever want you to feel like you don’t have a special place in this family. Or that being sandwiched between our only girl and the baby of our growing family means you are anything less than the most important little boy.
I constantly think of all the things I will tell you so that you know without a doubt that you are so loved and so important. You are the first tiny boy that I ever loved. You came along and shattered some crazy fears that I had about having a son. You showed me that having a baby boy was not so scary but in fact it was amazing. You opened my world to new things, new ways to play, new worries, new toys and new adventures.
I pray that you never ever feel like you are a “middle child” but rather that you are OUR child. You are the most special little boy and I promise you that just as I worry about you now, I will always do everything in my motherly power to make you know with complete certainty that your place in this family is entirely yours. I will do my best to let the light shine on you like you deserve. I will show up for you every single day and I promise you…
I will always, always see you.