Grumpy pregnant lady request #10003746: Stop sharing these ridiculous memes with rules for dating your son/daughter. Not only are they mostly unintelligible, they’re creepy and weird! Just. Stop. Sharing.

This one specifically has been in the Facebook share rotation for quite a while, and I’ve seen it entirely too many times. So here is my response:

1. He is not your ATM.

Good point, ma. Because you know, most females don’t have jobs of their own and this is 1865.

2. If you show up to my house looking like a stripper, I will make you go away.

Way to be a good example to your golden boy on how you should refer to and speak about women. It is because of this perpetual degradation and judgment against females that makes it hard to overcome for the rest of us. Plus the likelihood of your son ever respecting women and their freedom to choose how they want to present themselves is very slim considering how carelessly you refer to them.

3. If I see any “sexts” on his phone, I will make you go away.

Oh, okay. So not only are you the weirdo that somehow comes off as jealous of any attention your kid isn’t giving you, you’re also willing to shift the blame completely to the girl when they get into age-inappropriate situations. I bet that will build some respectable habits in your son throughout his youth to bring into adulthood. High fives.

4. Understand that if I don’t like you, I will make you go away.

Yes, by all means, make sure your poor son will never have to make decisions for himself so long as he has his mom to do it all for him. After all, be honest, no woman will ever be good enough for your baby.

5. Understand that I can make you go away.

I think we got that, and also – good riddance, probably.

6. He’s a “Mama’s boy”. Unless you have a ring on your finger, your opinion of that doesn’t matter.

Poor kid, he’s only going to have his Mama at the rate this is going! And sheesh, narcissistic much? I like how it is automatically assumed that all women everywhere are pining over this guy. Who IS this guy, indeed? [Insert hot celebrity male name here]?

7. You are not in charge and it is not up to you to change him. Take him for who he is, or see #5.

That’s right, lady. You’re the one clearly in charge and it is solely up to YOU to change him. No one else. That’s healthy.

8. He is a gentleman. I taught him that. You better act like a lady and deserve that.

WHOA. I “better”? Or what? This is starting to get creepy. Is this mom talking, or a jealous ex?

9. I know how to avoid jail.

This one is my favorite. Not only is this suuuuuuper threatening, it’s absolutely stupid. Come on, now. Not even the innocent can avoid jail these days.

10. If you weasel your way past all of these rules and fake your way to a ring on your finger, I will be something much worse than your boyfriend’s mom. I’ll be your mother-in-law.

I’m not sure your son will be so lucky with the creepy/weird rules you’ve laid out for any possible future girlfriends. Like I said above, these memes are ridiculous. Stop sharing them. Do yourself and especially your kids a favor. End rant.

Pretty please with sugar on top,


Kat Bonny
Eight months pregnant/mommy of two